I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
