5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
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