3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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