I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
