Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
