The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
