All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
