i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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