so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
