there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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