and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My dick has a subreddit
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
