Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
