She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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