I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
