Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
