Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
