im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you had me at cake vodka
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
