Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
