I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
