Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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