Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
