Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
