His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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