You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
