Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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