I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
