Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
