Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
