I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
