I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
