i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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