he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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