Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
