im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
