it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
