So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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