the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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