I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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