Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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