i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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