Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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