Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
