I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My feet surprised me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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