He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
