i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
