New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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