I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
