I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
