Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
