she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
