i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
