i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
