there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
