u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We have started to decorate penises.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
