he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
