oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
