i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently you make a good broom.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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