i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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