i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
