so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
