Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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